Chronicle of a dreamer 4 : As always, I make my life a pumpkin.

Yeah, I know...

I'm a nice person and make a good impression at first. I'm a listener, giving good advices, lover at first sigth -and sigh- carring and sweet, I really want your well being and cover you with attention, forgetting my own self. But then, few times later probably because of a sudden realization of my my unattainable expectations -or my unbeareable lazyness now- I return to my sociopath habits again, my fears and self insecurities, and bam !

The magic is over. As always, I make my life a pumpkin.

But, don't worry, you won't see anything, I won't bother you with this.

Why can I just let go and decide to live in a smoothness fairy tale with you ? I don't know. Maybe because I've been disapointed too many times by all sort of relationship, and I shy now the magic and brigthness that could happen, considering them as a threat to my realistic basic human beeing. It's easier to dream alone, me, myself, and I, twisted personnality. I fulfill my own little goals, and imagining fake pleasant conversations in my mind... more gratifying than make them happen in reality.

In fact, reality "sucks" in many ways, really, we all know that, and it doesn't fit my inner world of fairies and magic, and yours either. I don't want my inner fragile and beautifull world to collapse and crashing in yours, even if I could create a little gate in mine to let you in the fringe of my secret garden.

So, I only rely to true nature. My link to the living.

No disapointment, nature is giving, exposing it's magic, bright colors and beauties without any other selfish and hidden purposes behind their petal, leaves, and bark. Not judging, just being. What a refreshing feeling when, my feet correctly and precisely grounded in the grass of my garden, feeling the wind caresses my cheeks, lungs entirely filled with the sweet parfume of my lilac, my flesh desapears ! Surrounded by all this security, blessed, I very often share my feelings. If you really want to meet me, simply offer me free nature, you will maybe catch a glimpse of my bare personality. Maybe we'll connect with sincerity and respect as simply humans.

Maybe will grow together as pumpkin seeds.